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Joke of the Day

"The most judgmental aquatic mammal is probably the seal of disapproval."

"I just realized that I get most of my news from Twitter. So... someone remind me what Pres Bieber's health care bill will do to your mom?"

"I used to be a banker but I lost interest"

"Welcome to the Geology Department Have a gneiss day!"

"Just went to Walgreens & they're a bunch of liars. Their walls were more of a beige color. I'm suing."

"I hate when people look at me and proclaim ""well look what the cat dragged in"". Do I look like a dead bird, small rodent, or used tampon?"

"I was thinking of taking the cross product of force and distance, ... ... but that's so much work."

"What is the hardest thing to do after starting a family? Ending them."

"The moral of Little Red Riding Hood is: 1) Never trust strangers; 2) Learn to differentiate facial features between a wild dog & a human."

"Okay stranger, it's clear that we walk at the exact same pace, speed up or at least hold my hand."