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Joke of the Day

"Theres an egg on yor head... Only yoking."

"I bet sometimes Captain America has to call Captain Canada for help, like if he needs to convert miles into kilometers."

"Made a special running playlist that's nothing but zombie moans & shuffling feet. I've lost 20 pounds & can run a 4:30 minute mile."

"I have sex daily. I mean, dyslexia! Fcuk"

"What's the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they're not going to joust?"

"So, a friend of mine claims to be really body-positive, but... ...I saw him comment on a picture of a fat woman in Wal-Mart comparing her to a pachyderm. I told him to stop being so hippo-critical."

"I knocked over a horny marine on the motorway the other day. I was driving on the hard soldier."

"A kid came to my door last night for trick-or-treat dressed as a pirate... I asked him, ""where are your buckaneers?"" He replied, ""on the side of my buck'en head."""

"Speed dating (Don't say anything embarrassing) ""So do you ever eat raisins and then later poop rehydrated grapes?"" (DAMMIT!)"

"What do you call a Snake game that doesn't work? An E-Reptile dysfunction"