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Joke of the Day

"I've finally understood the meaning of ""politics"" It's derived from ""poly"", the Greek word for ""many"", and ""tics"", a blood sucking parasite."

"[Police sketch artist job interview] ""How am I not qualified?"" Your resume is a stick figure and a poorly drawn igloo ""It's a cat actually"""

"What is a Rastafarian's favorite country? Yemen"

"I don't steal my tweets from song lyrics! Seriously. Y'all gon' make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here."

"Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button."

"Why did the condom fly across the room? It was pissed off."

"A man was in a supermarket.... and he saw a man. He went up to him and said ""I know you from somewhere, are you famous?"" The man replies ""no no no... I'm famYOU""."

"I opened my front door this morning to find a large black coffin. I gave him a pack of Lockets and told him to fuck off."

"I like how the dude in the next self-checkout lane is trying to disarm me with small talk like we don't both know this is a goddamn race"

"""Why did Sally fall off the swings?"" ""Because she has no arms."" ""Knock knock"" ""Who's there?"" ""Not Sally. Because she has no arms. """