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Joke of the Day

"A woman is looking in the mirror... She complains to her husband:""I'M OLD AND FAT!"" To which her husband replies: ""Your eyesight is still ok."""

"What's Hitlers least favorite planet? Jewpiter."

"Hey I got your text but then I died, I'll probably like resurrect when we accidentally run into each other though"

"If you want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with ""I shouldn't be telling you this"""

"Wife: why are you smiling? [realizing if Blue from Blue's Clues and Clifford had puppies they'd be purple] Me: I was thinking about you."

"What could possibly make moviegoers forget about Will Smith's movie After Earth? A Concussion."

"Why are all Mexican jokes and Black jokes the same? Because once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal."

"Don't get upset if you hit a lot of red lights on your way to work. You'd turn red too if you had to change in the middle of the street."

"Instead of a flask I keep a small kitten in my jacket pocket that I pull out for a quick pet whenever I need a pick-me-up."

"Doctor Patient 2 Doctor:What happened to you ? PATIENT:I am going to die in a minute. DOCTOR:wait I am coming with in five minutes."