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Joke of the Day

"What's worse then biting into an apple and finding half a worm.... Getting a bus from the plane to the terminal"

"I'm gonna name my daughter Retarded So I can say yes whenever someone asks me if I am fucking retarded"

"the best thing about being in a relationship is you can get crippling emotional abuse any time you want"

"Heavy metal is not intimidating to me because half of the time it's just the plot of Lord Of The Rings yelled over guitar solos."

"Patient: ""How much longer do I have doc? Doctor: ""Ten."" Patient: ""Ten what?"" Doctor: ""Nine..."""

"Know what a 6.9 is? Another good thing screwed over by a period"

"I just had the worst experience with a mosquito. It sucked!"

"So my friend is dating twins... ...And I said, ""Isn't it hard to tell them appart?"" He replied with, ""Well not really, the brother has a moustache."""

"You know times are hard when you call 911 for an ambulance and they tell you to have gas money ready."

"Me: I know you from somewhere Jesus: I get that a lot Me: no I'm sure Jesus: just one of those faces Me: [holding arms out] go like this"