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Joke of the Day

"So my friend is dating twins... ...And I said, ""Isn't it hard to tell them appart?"" He replied with, ""Well not really, the brother has a moustache."""

"The hot chick I hooked up with last night must be a Berny Sanders fan... Because when I went to go pee, I could feel the burn."

"I messed up my foot pretty bad. The doctors said it would take a while to heel."

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, ""This is all melted! Why would you serve this outside?"""

"Two red blood cells met and fell in love but alas, it was in vein."

"I got a new cat from the inner city shelter. So far he seems fine, except for needing to go outside every hour for a cigarette."

"I used to do this impression where I was a blind anaesthetist; stopped 'cause the audience wasn't feelin' it and I couldn't see the point."

"What's the difference between a priest and acne? Acne doesn't come on your face until you're 13."

"I don't get it. Rock beats scissors but no one says shit about running with them."

"Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight... Hoping to get a PS3 in return."