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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Russian football fans and an old drunkard in a bar at closing time? Kicking the old drunkard out won't start world war III."

"Apple launches new phone with no headphone jack, making it ideal for enjoying the free U2 album."

"If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed. HA."

"Every night when you sleep,I sneak into your house, full of desire. I then reduce the amount of marshmallowy treats in your cereal&go home."

"What does Tim Cook do when he's home alone at night? Jack off"

"In the past hour I've dropped my phone and my computer. Let me hold your crying baby."

"I'd tell you the joke about the pirate But I don't think its arrrrrrpropriate."

"[puts scarf on snowman] Girl: to keep u warm Snowman: I am made of snow. G: omg you're alive! S: ok but lets get past that. are you stupid"

"Picking which colour pen to use.... Its always a bic decision"

"When Moses came down with the Commandments, It was the greatest Retweet in History."