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Joke of the Day

"They must have had a really good laugh when doctors realized that thermometers could be taken orally too."

"When I momentarily lack the ability to articulate my thoughts and use a preposition instead. That."

"I figured out why republicans are all over the place this election cycle. If you walk without rythm, it won't attract the Bern... I'll see myself out."

"What did the grape say when it got trodden on? Nothing, it just let out a little whine."

"What did Medusa call the sheep she turned to stone? Baaaaasalt"

"One fun thing about kids crying is trying to determine if they broke a crayon or got their arm stuck in a piece of farming equipment."

"How do you improve public transportation in Ferguson, MI? Move the trees closer together."

"Why is saying "" I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" mean the same thing... ...unless your at a funeral."

"Just lost my mood ring... not sure how I feel about that."

"Do you know the difference between 5 minutes of blowjob and 5 minutes of sodomy ? Do you have 10 minutes ?"