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Joke of the Day

"Hi. This is my first time at yoga. When I called they said to bring a Matt. *points at man standing next to her* Now what do we do with him?"

"Today I learned to count in Taiwanese... TaiWan, TaiTwo, TaiThree!"

"What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Smack that bitch and tell her to get back to work."

"A pirate walks into a bar... And sits down orders a drink without anybody making a pun about his nuts."

"ENGLAND: people are CROSSING OUR BORDERS for ECONOMIC ADVANCEMENT!!! THE ENTIRE GODDAMNED WORLD FROM LIKE 1583 to 1997: u don't say"

"Can someone help me find..... The guy on his cell phone laughing uncontrollably because someone rear ended a car full of nuns. I think he was leaving a message. Thanks in advance."

"I often say...... I often say to myself. ""I cant believe that cloning machine worked"""

"Nothing brings a family closer at graduation than a flask."

"A TV show where customers get to hear what employees said 10 seconds after they left the store."

"Getting married at 22 sounds a lot like leaving a party at 9:30pm."