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Joke of the Day

"Two fish are in a tank... One is driving, and the other is manning the guns."

"[At job interview] M. ""No, English is my second language."" I. ""What's your first language then?"" M. ""Emoji."""

"Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table."

"Today I saw a baby who had put on five stone in weight in two weeks by drinking elephant's milk. Whose baby was it? The elephant's!"

"Quidditch is my kind of sport. You don't have to run, you get to sit the whole time, and if things aren't going well you can just fly home."

"Can anyone help me with starting a rocket science club at school? I'm having trouble getting it off the ground."

"Another Old Blonde Joke A brunette yells to a blonde across a river, ""Hey! How do I get to the other side of the river?"" The blonde yells back ""You are on the other side!"""

"My five-year-old: ""I don't want to be your daughter anymore. I QUIT!"" No two-week notice or anything. She'd better not expect a reference."

"You dug the hole you're in... now stop whining and start climbing."

"Japan's First VR Porn Festival Canceled Prematurely Because of Overcrowding Basically, a bukkake that ended early because everybody came."