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Joke of the Day

"My brother just asked me what 'FAP' meant... Shit! Now I am starting to regret leaving comments on his missus facebook pics."

"I hate it when TV shows say they contain ""adult situations"" but then don't show anyone going to a job they hate, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid's vomit."

"TL; DR: Action hero references Oedipus Die Hard's John McClane and his catchphrase . . ."

"A duck walks into a drug store, He goes and puts lip stick on the check out counter. The cashier asks, ""will this be cash or check?"" The duck says, ""neither; just put it on my bill."""

"A snowstorm knocked out the power of a black man's house, so he went out to investigate. He's the only blackout in a whiteout."

"Autocorrect: Without it you're fucked. And with it you're ducked."

"A married man and his friend are talking. Friend: how's your daughter? Man: we haven't had one yet. Friend: after last night, you will in 9 months."

"""If I weigh 400 pounds and can lift 600 pounds, shouldn't I be able to fly by lifting the chair I'm sitting in?"""

"Mick Jagger: Hey Keith, come hold my new baby. Keith holding baby, whispers to it: I'm going to out live you too."

"I want to remind everyone today that 9/11 jokes aren't funny... ...only 2/11 are."