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Joke of the Day

"My friend got jailed for six months for pulling 4 people out of a burning building. Turns out that they were the firemen."

"Normal people driving by a construction site: wonder what they're building... Me: what a great place to bury a body!"

"I wore my ""Gandalf for President"" shirt to the comic convention. It got a lot of support, but some were turned off by my candidate's hard stance on immigration."

"[NSFW] Why do women have legs? Have you seen the mess snails make?"

"SOLDIER: Yankee Oscar Uniform Romeo Foxtrot Lima Yankee India Sierra Delta Oscar Whiskey November CAPTAIN: Lima Oscar Lima!"

"One time, Chuck Norris had sex with a hooker in a truck, and some semen got on the seat... The truck is now known as Optimus Prime."

"Why did Microsoft skip to Windows 10? Because 7 8 9. (For those that haven't heard the news: http://www.polygon.com/2014/9/30/6873967/windows-10-announced-microsoft-pc)"

"I can't watch the Super Bowl this year. It's all a LI"

"Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan."

"You're shoes are untied! April fools! Got ya!!"