29759

Joke of the Day

"Success... Is like being pregnant. Everyone congratulates you, but no one knows how many times you got fucked."

"For once my family is going to have a Happy Thanksgiving. This year I'm stuffing the turkey with Prozac."

"What's the first thing you should do when confronted by an evil spirit? Try to neghostiate."

"So I was at a party, All the refreshments are lined up on a table; We're still waiting on the *punchline*."

"Clinton fan: Emails? That's all you've got? Me: She sold the Saudis the jets that are massacring Yemenis Clinton fan: Emails? That's all you"

"""I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."

"To protest Donald Sterling's racist comments I'm going to continue to not care about basketball."

"I was thinking about quitting ciggaretes But my mom always taught me not to be a quitter"

"Why is oral sex with your wife like being interviewed by the police? One slip of the tongue and your in the shit."

"How do terrorist surfers spend free time at Guantanamo Bay? WATERBOARDING!!!"