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Joke of the Day

"My grandmother's stories always include the race of everyone involved"

"How many perverts does it take to put in a lightbulb? Just one, but it takes a doctor and two nurses to get it out."

"If you look up ""cool"" in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of me. I like to deface dictionaries."

"I smoked meat yesterday... I think that's how I got salmonella."

"[looking at wife as firefighters cut me out of baby swing at playground] It doesn't say its specifically for babies, Karen"

"The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep."

"Being popular on Facebook is like being the smartest kid in summer school."

"What's the best feature of Apple Pencil? You don't need to sharpen it."

"Why didn't the construction worker like to get wet? Because he didn't drywall."

"A Polar Bear walks into a bar... ... he says to the server, ""Hello, I'd like some fish and chips.."" The server says, ""We don't serve polar bear here."" The Polar Bear says, ""Oh Thank God."""