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Joke of the Day

"""Is it long enough to reach most people's beds?"" ""Yes."" ""Perfect, make it a couple inches shorter."" -Apple, creating the iPhone charger."

"What do you call a shed full of black people? Antique farm equipment"

"[Poison Ivy's home] Voice from outside: YOU CONTROL PLANTS? WHAT KIND OF POWER IS THAT? Ivy: [thru window] Go home, Aquaman. You're drunk."

"One of my hooter's girlfriends died yesterday... May she breast in peace :'("

"I got 99 problems and being attractive could solve at least 30 of them."

"Mexican Word of the Day: Canoli I canoli jack off with one hand at a time."

"What's the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday."

"What did the man say to his wife when he failed to get an erection? No hard feelings."

"I think I'm developing a taste for foreign films like Tokyo Drift."

"2016 That's it."