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Joke of the Day

"""Is it long enough to reach most people's beds?"" ""Yes."" ""Perfect, make it a couple inches shorter."" -Apple, creating the iPhone charger."

"What's the difference between Pastor Maldonado and a bus driver? One is a highly skilled professional driver, and the other is in Formula 1."

"Jeremy Clarkson is like Marmite Disgusting"

"Why don't you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they're really good at it."

"My parents were like siblings. And according to the police that was, like, a problem."

"What's the difference between a moose and an ant? A moose has antlers, but an ant doesn't have mooselers."

"My brother and I started a business manufacturing Dracula toys I have to make every second Count"

"Have I told you lately... ...is the least romantic line a toll-collector ever said to his girlfriend."

"I went to buy a book about Bernie Sanders ...but it was sold out."

"My wife didn't post an essay thanking our kids for making her a mom on Facebook and now child services is on the way."