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Joke of the Day

"Women never listen properly Wife: I lost my keys Man: Its in your jeans Wife: Dont drag my family into this."

"How do you prepare corn like Sean Connery? Shuck it long, and shuck it hard."

"Another ""Priceless"" joke. Vodka 19.99. Motel room 64.99. Condoms 9.99. Finding out she swallows and likes it in the ass? Priceless! Fuck Mastercard, it pays to Discover"

"What do they call pita bread in Mexico? Pita pan"

"I bumped into the inventor of the selfie today His face was a picture"

"*takes a picture of mother nature* MOTHER NATURE: delete it"

"What do you call a hookers fart? A prosti-toot"

"I asked my husband: How are you able to stay in bed all morning without getting up to pee? He replied... ...It's hard"

"Thanks to the Fed continuing to print money, a picture is now only worth 583 words."

"Yo mama is so ugly, she went to an ugly competition They said, ""Sorry, no professionals."""