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Joke of the Day

"A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables and the bartender says, You can come in, but don't start anything!"

"I sleep with a knife under my bed in case I can't open my midnight snacks. It also comes in handy if people try to steal them."

"Who did the dyslexic devil worshipper sell his soul to? Santa"

"Do you know why banks have lollipops? So you'll have a sucker when they rob you. Eh, someone will like it."

"What did the constipated mathematician do? He sat down and worked it out with a pencil."

"Obi-wan: You look different. Vader: You left me burning alive in lava with no arms and legs. Obi-wan: I thought maybe you got a haircut."

"interviewer: what is ur weakness? me: follow up questions interview: care to elaborate? me: [quivers with fear]"

"What do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night and your TV is floating? ""Man, wall mounts are awesome."""

"Did you hear about the guy who had writers block? He stopped writing and it was"

"Why are porn stars so good at studying for tests? Because they have photographic mammaries!"