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Joke of the Day

"s/o to chins tho for scientifically proving that two is not always better than one"

"A lady goes to the emergency room with a vibrator stuck in her cooter. The doctor says, ""That's going to be hard to remove."" She says, ""I don't want it removed. Just change the batteries for me."""

"What's the difference between family bonding and family bondage? One is forced and borderline torture, the other is sex."

"[outside eden] Adam: This isnt so bad Eve: Yea Adam: [mosquito lands on arm] Wtf is this [5 min later] Adam: [banging on gates] WE'RE SORRY"

"Cop: FREEZE, DON'T MOVE!!! Me: *stops moving* Cop: GET DOWN ON THE GROUND Me:... Cop: NOW! Me:... Me:... Cop: for the love of god...unfreeze"

"Gay marriage is legal in 6 states. Having sex with a horse is legal in 23. Good going, America."

"Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it."

"Just made eye contact with an old guy as he slowly licked an ice cream cone. Great, like I don't have enough shit keeping me up at night."

"If you have a daughter, let her marry a programmer. They are men with codes."

"This gay guy I met was named Cinnamon(synonym) Now my ass is thesaurus"