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Joke of the Day

"If you have a daughter, let her marry a programmer. They are men with codes."

"My wife gets really annoyed when I use the word ""cunt."" I suppose she has a point, I really should make an effort to learn her mother's real name."

"Does anyone know how much a blimp is worth? I was going to google it, but I was worried it wouldn't account for inflation."

"It's Election Eve, Not Election and Steve!"

"Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts"

"What do you call 4 lepers in a jacuzzi? Stew"

"Jim: You have a Fantasy Football team? Me: Guys aren't my thing. But, Tom Brady's kinda cute. Jim: No, I- Me: Ooh! Cam Newton's dreamy, too!"

"I broke up with my girlfriend today Now I need to buy that movie again!"

"Probably the third-best reason to have kids is if you think it's funny when other people trip."

"Did you hear the theme song for new Lego Blade Runner? Everyone's a replicant!!! Everything is cool when nobody's real!"