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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the zoo with only one dog? It was a shit zoo"

"An Elephant walks into a bar bartender asks why long nose. Elephant: Mind your own fucking business."

"I gave my girlfriend a birthday celebration that lasted only half a minute After all, it was her thirty second birthday."

"It's not that I don't like drinking, it's just I find that my aim when throwing bottles in your face is allot more accurate when I'm sober."

"I bet Bram Stoker is sitting on some cloud, flipping through the Twilight books with a raised eyebrow, wondering what the hell happened."

"Pacman: I feel like a woman trapped in a man's body! I want the procedure, doc. Dr.: Very well. Just relax.. *puts bow on Pacman's head"

"Maybe Aliens don't visit us because they're all women and they want us to make the first move."

"When I first met your mom, I fell in love with her because she had a kind face... The kind of face I want to fuck the shit out of!"

"*guy looks around to see if anyone is looking* *sees the coast is clear, licks tree* And that's how they found out about maple syrup"

"The toy inside my McDonald's Apathy Meal is just a lump of gray plastic and an instruction sheet that says ""Whatever. This job sucks."""