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Joke of the Day

"Usually chocolate makes me hyper but my dog ate a pack of Snickers and he's been asleep for hours. Haha wake up so we can play, little guy."

"What's a pirates favorite letter? *arrrrrrr?* you'd think that but it's actually P, because with out it they'd just be irate."

"The girl I have a date with tonight texted and said 'I have no gag reflex ;) ' So I guess that means I'm taking her to a Nicolas Cage movie"

"If I had a dollar for every woman that found me unattractive... They'd find me attractive."

"I was pondering life with the cat wizard... Then he said something that gave me paws."

"Ah St Patrick's Day I better eat some Irish food *pours self bowl of Lucky Charms*"

"I hate people who steal the punchline. I'm keeping mine a secret."

"All I ask is that when I'm murdered, you make my chalk outline four sizes smaller."

"Mah Dearest Emma, War on Christmas is hell. This morn, I saw 7 elves stabbed with 1 menorah. I fear this nog soaked yuletide may nevah end."

"Why did NBC add the Michael J. Fox Show to its line-up? To shake things up on network tv."