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Joke of the Day
"Dude ...like...homeless neglected dogs totally ruined that Sarah McLachlan song for me."
Next Joke
"Why was the iPhone 7 so embarrassed? He was caught jacking off."
"In other words, 2 percent of household germs kinda like Lysol spray"
"If you've never had diarrhea from drinking Jack Daniels... then you don't know Jack shits."
"Being a software engineer is pretty cool because I can just stare at my screen/zone out & if anybody questions me I say I'm optimizing code"
"How is Ducktape like the Force? It has a Dark Side, a Light side and it binds everything the galaxy together. Edit:Duct Tape I know, I was tired"
"Burn victims never travel alone They always stick together"
"*intermittently glances at phone while placing order for 6 burritos so the Chipotle lady thinks they're for multiple people*"
"It's bad luck to be superstitious."
"What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws while the other is a pause at the end of a clause."