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Joke of the Day

"Being a software engineer is pretty cool because I can just stare at my screen/zone out & if anybody questions me I say I'm optimizing code"

"""Scolding a cat after it does something wrong has been proven ineffective"" - cats"

"Why did the doctor kick his patients? He was trying to heel them."

"In honor of Father's day, here is a typical dad joke. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint."

"[Dark] What is a Muslims favourite phone? Galaxy Note 7 (Exploding Variant) Just kidding it's an iPhone, you racist fuck. This joke has probably already been said before, so please up-vote."

"Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing? Pupil: No teacher I'm having trouble listening!"

"What Did The Idiot's Friend Say To The Other Idiot's Friend, After The Idiot Lit Herself On Fire? She's Bright..."

"A guy asks imam at a mosque Guy: What's the Wi-Fi password? Imam: allahis12345"

"How many cops dose it take to change a light bulb? 5 one to replace the bulb and 4 to beat the room for being black."

"They say: ""keep your friends close and your enemies closer"". The problem is, nowadays you can't tell them apart."