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Joke of the Day

"I'll bet Timmy would never have fallen down that well if his parents would've coughed up the money for a HUMAN instead of a dog babysitter."

"Why did the girl sit on her watch? She wanted to be on time."

"How many perverts does it take to put in a lightbulb? Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out."

"I bet if I could see into the future, I would use that power to watch a lot more TV."

"What's the difference between a School and an ISIS training ground? I don't know man, I just fly the drone"

"Kid: What's this? Me: A napkin holder K: What's a napkin? M: You wipe your hands on it when they're dirty K: You mean like the couch? M: ..."

"What's pale, lives in darkness and sucks blood? A tampon"

"My friend told my that onion was the only food that made people cry.. So I threw a coconut at him"

"ME: I can't find my sandals WIFE: did you look everywhere? ME: yes WIFE: even down ME: yes even dowI did not put those on"

"Just got a blow job in the elevator. It was a pleasure on many levels"