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Joke of the Day

"Just got a blow job in the elevator. It was a pleasure on many levels"

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"Why did Einstein marry his cousin? It's all relative."
"Carpenter ants are bullshit, I left a whole box of ikea furniture here, all they did was carry off my watermelon and steal a picnic basket"
"I choked on a carrot earlier and all I could think of is that a donut wouldn't have done that to me."
"If life hands you lemons, ask it why it has hands."
"X post from meanjokes: michael schumacher regained consciousness today, have your heard how the doctors did it? They sat him on the window seat of the bus"
"Just tell me which one is wrong, the password or the username!! Don't make me have to guess."
"Actual ""dad"" joke from my dad What does Mickey Mouse do to Minnie Mouse after she drowns and he pulls her out of the water? Mouse to Mouse resuscitation."
"Grossest Joke I've Ever Heard. What's the difference between Menstrual Blood and Sand? You can't gargle sand."
"Riding up in the elevator with a bunch of children. So much screaming & crying. You'd think one of them would ask me what the hell's wrong."