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Joke of the Day

"If you`re not going to help me break into my ex`s house to delete the hysterical message i left on his answerphone,then you`re not my friend"

"""WTF IS THIS?!?!"" dad demands as he looks at my report card. I explain to him the idea of schooling and grading systems and he calms down."

"How to insult an elder in the museum. Say ""I would shake your hand, but the sign says ""Do not touch the artifacts.""""."

"Did you hear about the baker who got electrocuted last week? He stood on a bun and a currant shot up his leg."

"Wanna read a joke about procrastination? I'll type it later."

"Dios mios! A: You shouldn't say the lord's name in vain! B: I'm not saying it in vain... I'm saying it in Spanish!"

"My doctor just used a tongue depressor on me so I'm going out for ice cream to cheer the little guy up."

"I was completely offended, but then you said ""no offense,"" so now everything's cool."

"RIP is the LOL of dying..."

"The 'C word' My girlfriend hates it when I say the ""C word"". This one time, we were watching Spongebob and I'm like ""hey, its 'C word'!"" and shes like ""it's Squidward, you cunt"""