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Joke of the Day

"The 'C word' My girlfriend hates it when I say the ""C word"". This one time, we were watching Spongebob and I'm like ""hey, its 'C word'!"" and shes like ""it's Squidward, you cunt"""

"What does vlads wife say about his premature ejaculation? Just putin, don't Russian"

"The Wife just asked if she looked OK in her new pants.. She did... But I paused to long,,,,,,,,,,,,,Please send an ambulance..."

"I was scared shitless when I found out I was constipated."

"Lost 200 pounds. Here's my story. British prostitutes are *expensive.*"

"How do weathermen get up a mountain? They climate."

"My mother would give you 11 dollars for a dog turd if you told her it normally costs 15."

"Trump is opting not to have celebrities at his inauguration in the same way that I opted not to take any cheerleaders to prom."

"If I lived in Gotham City I'd always be hinting I was Batman to get freebies. ""I'll get the bat-check. I mean regular check. Bat-thanks."""

"What do you call a Greek arsonist? A "