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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the baker who got electrocuted last week? He stood on a bun and a currant shot up his leg."

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"If you come home n your dog gives you a lecture about smoking pot, you probably should lay off the acid too."
"iPhone's from the future. 2016: iPhone 7=no headphone jack 2017: iPhone 8=no battery 2018: iPhone 9=no screen 2019: iPhone 10=no phone at all, just pay Apple $1000"
"Marriage: Betting someone half your shit that you'll love them forever."
"when i was a kid i never trusted stairs. those bastards were always up to something."
"Sex is like Broccoli If you were forced to have it as a kid, you probably won't like it as an adult."
"James Bond and Money Penny are locked in a trunk... Money Penny: What's that jabbing me in the gluteus maximus? Bond: my PPK? Money Penny: 'K"
"I was at a restaurant and my waitress had a black eye so I ordered reallllyy slow, because she obviously doesn't listen."
"A scottish man walks out of a bar..."
"if you told a kid that their parents died or that their balloon flew away, you'd get the same reaction."