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Joke of the Day

"I'm not the kind of guy to distance myself from anything... Far from it."

"A high-dea supported by evidence... Is called a High-pot-thesis"

"Bi-Polar Bears usually attack without warning, then sob for hours while eating leftover walrus."

"What's the difference between you and a calendar? A calendar has a future..."

"My friend says he needs to get hydrated immediately. Well, water you waiting for?!"

"A polite penis stands up when a lady wants to sit down"

"If you want to know how many hours your mom was in labor with you, tell her you won't be able to come over & visit."

"What do you call a vulture with no beak? A head banger."

"What's the definition of Eternity? The time between when I come, and you go."

"Q: How many Scorpios does it take to change a lightbulb? A: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order."