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Joke of the Day

"Fetty Wapp was fired from 3 cashier jobs before turning to rap music No matter what items were scanned through, the total always came up to $17.38"

"My twittercide will be like the final scene in BraveHeart but a doughnut will fall from my hand in slowmo instead of an embroidered hanky."

"What's the opposite of the word uncle-off-her? It's an aunt-*on*-him."

"What did the cannibals do with the midget? Put another shrimp on the barbie."

"Since I installed adblock, my popularity with hot girls in my area has plummeted"

"[text] ""Hey"" Hi. ""I'm just laying in bed thinking about you."" This is your mom. ""New phone who dis?"" Eric, that doesn't work. You texted me."

"What is the difference between a priest and a zit? A zit wait to come on your face till your 13"

"Chris Brown was the director of what film? Sucker Punch"

"A dslexic man walked into a bra. His wife's washing was hanging out to dry and he wasn't looking where he was going. The man's dyslexia was admittedly pretty irrelevant to the event."

"A Match Made in Heaven God grabbed a box of cigarettes and pulled one out. He put it in his mouth when he realized he had nothing to light it with."