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Joke of the Day
"Q: What's the difference between a chainsaw and an accordion? A: A chainsaw can be tuned."
Next Joke
"Press Conference: How do you respond to accusations that you over sexualize everything? Me: *slowly takes entire microphone into mouth*"
"What's the worst part about shaking a one-armed man? You know that's his masturbating hand"
"everything happens for a reason and the reason is stupid"
"How do you starve a worthless mooch? By hiding his employment check in his work boots."
"The guy who coined the phrase,""I'm not gettin any younger."" The guy he said it to then coined the phrase,""No shit, Sherlock."""
"My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I'm great at pole dancing."
"Every time someone says, ""at least it's a dry heat,"" I want to stab them with a box cutter. *at least it's a short knife."
"How Stevie Wonder looks at his life... 'Rather blind than black'"
"Why did Mrs. Grape leave Mr. Grape? She was tired of raisin kids."