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Joke of the Day

"My dad shouted ""shut up idiots"" to the cats. I told him ""You're speaking English to a cat. You're the idiot. You have to meow at them."""

"Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you."

"When I was young I had to go to walking school. It was tough. They really put you through your paces there"

"What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison."

"Good news: Your wit is really mind-blowing Bad news: It's not my mind that I want blown"

"I mailed you a joke from 12 miles away at 43,200 miles per hour. It might take a second for you to get it."

"What did Han Solo say when Leia asked for help with a crossword clue? I don't know"

"What happened when the man couldn't afford the mortgage on his haunted house? ...it was repossessed!"

"Every Political Ad Ever: I'm a rich guy who's not like the other rich guy he's a total douche. *Paid for by my rich guy friends*"

"Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants."