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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend talks to her dog like it's going to talk back. Kind of like when Christians talk to God."

"Spending a day at the beach is awesome when I dress the ugly girls with my eyes."

"If you play connect-the-dots with the stains on my shirt, it reveals a picture of a grown man who needs to use a bib."

"Egypt is one of those rare countries whose ""good old days"" were in 2,000 B.C."

"What's the difference between a joke and a retorical question?"

"How do you get Lady Gaga to leave you alone? You Poke-r Face."

"Good news: I finally had sex with my wife last night! Bad news: I spent the entire 60secs wondering how I was going to tweet it to you guy"

"I've taken up meditation It's better than sitting around doing nothing."

"To avoid a collision I ran into the other car."

"It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end."