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Joke of the Day
"This joke isn't funny. What do you say when the punchline's told first?"
Next Joke
"Newton taught us that a body at rest will remain at rest, a body in motion will remain in motion, and that figs taste good in cookies."
"[restaurant] *patpatpat* ME: you hear that? *patpatPATPAT* DATE: what the [penguin bolts out of kitchen with a fish] CHEF: SOMEBODY STOP HIM"
"The Fifa president, secretary general and communications director are all travelling in a car. Who's driving? The police. Not mine: http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/33099881"
"Good news for insomniacs Only three more sleeps til Christmas!"
"What's black and married to my daughter? Nothing because I'm a good parent."
"Why couldn't Mozart find his mentor? Because he was Haydn"
"I like my women how I like my advent calendar. Against my wall, flaps open, ready to be eaten."
"What is the best part about raping a midget? Their arms are too short to hold you back."
"A kid came to my door last night for trick-or-treat dressed as a pirate... I asked him, ""where are your buckaneers?"" He replied, ""on the side of my buck'en head."""