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Joke of the Day

"Newton taught us that a body at rest will remain at rest, a body in motion will remain in motion, and that figs taste good in cookies."

"A mushroom walks into a bar... A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says ""whoa there, little guy! Didn't you see the sign? No mushrooms allowed!"" The mushroom says ""why not?! I'm a fun guy!"""

"What do you call a kid with no friends (warning offensive) A sandy hook survivor."

"The people in this spin class are looking at me like they've never seen a girl with a helmet before."

"People keep asking Me why I created mosquitoes. To bite you repeatedly and give you malaria, that's why."

"*guitarist breaks guitar* HELL YEAH *drummer throws drums* YES YES *singer stabs a bunch of guys* OH MY GOD *bassist plants a bomb* STOP"

"Anti-virus pioneer John McAfee is wanted by the Police for murder charges. If they catch him I guess the trial will last 30 days."

"Monopoly I never thought that monopoly is such a realistic game until I saw Greece selling it's airport"

"Do/Be To do is to be. -Descartes To be is to do. -Voltaire Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra"

"How many friend-zoned guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They just sit around and compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw."