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Joke of the Day

"Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Wow. Nobody's ever asked me that. Interviewer: Take a minute to th- Me: Arendelle."

"How much of this ""no more tears"" shampoo do I have to feed this baby to get it to stop crying?"

"Cop: Ma'am, Are you intoxicated? Me: Are YOU intoxicated! Cop: No Me: Prove it! Cop: *puts handcuffs on me* Me: I like where this is going."

"Why are girls so hot? because they lay out in the sun so much lol :P"

"A man once said, that i was gay... ...i took his dick out of my mouth and said ""i'll add an extra 5 bucks to the bill for that"""

"How did the man get stuck at the Russian airport? He got snowden."

"So, I'm officially off the market. Got a DM from a faceless Avi proposing marriage in broken English. We're planning a June wedding!"

"""Are you even listening to me?"" is a weird way for my girlfriend to start a conversation."

"Why did the chicken get a strike? Because it was a fowl."

"What's the name of the car of a hipster batman? Tumblr."