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Joke of the Day

"Never take ecstasy with a squirrel named... hey, squirrel dude, what's your name? Charles? Never take ecstasy with a squirrel named Charles."

"What do you call a Jew with no chance of getting ahead? Bernie Sanders."

"I keep forgetting which Disney princess is it who solves all her own problems without trying to find a boyfriend?"

"what's red and smells like blue paint? red paint"

"I lost my mood ring last night... I don't know how I feel about this."

"My garbage disposal can't even handle this banana and now I'm wondering if I actually have a garbage disposal."

"In Pokemon, why is fighting super effective against dark type? Because beating up black people is effective. (plz no haterino)"

"How can you tell if your girlfriend is getting fat? When She fits in your wife's clothes."

"A man walks into a bakery... And looks at the prices of the bread. The bread is very cheap, and he tells the baker, ""Man, at that price this is a stale."""

"""I probably shouldn't have said that out loud"" -a biography"