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Joke of the Day

"To the first person who took their picture with their phone at the bathroom mirror, you are a pioneer. We salute you."

"I bought a friend of mine an elephant for his room He said thanks. I said don't mention it."

"HER: let's be open about how we really feel. I'll go first I love you. ME: Ok well... I really, really, don't want Naruto to end HER: wtf?"

"I dropped food on the floor and my dog got excited but it was just tomato. I catfished my dog"

"bro what if soy milk is just regular milk introducing himself in spanish?"

"There is a race between a skull and a small butt one's clearly ahead, the other's a little behind"

"If I had a time machine I'd take 17 dollars to 1901 and buy several luxurious homes. Related: does anyone have a time machine and 17 dollars"

"""With great power, comes great responsibility"" - - Melania Trump"

"What do gay carpenters say... I'd tap that!"

"I have to pee every hour, on the hour. ...it's like cockwork"