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Joke of the Day
"I bought a friend of mine an elephant for his room He said thanks. I said don't mention it."
Next Joke
"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean? Bob"
"I asked my friend if he wanted to hear some dubstep. He said, ""Tech, no!"""
"What does a buff zombie want? Gaaaaaaaiiiinnnnnnnnnssssss."
"I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there."
"Kinda bummed that my pet goldfish died today of a bladder infection. Although to be fair, I probably should have realized something was up when the bowl kept overflowing."
"People used to laugh at me when I would say ""I want to be a comedian"", well nobody's laughing now."
"A seal walks into a bar... And the bartender says ""what will it be?"" The seal replies ""I'm fine with anything as long as it's not Canadian club."""
"What was Arnold Schwarzenegger's answer when asked which historical person he would like to play in a movie? I'll be Bach."
"What do you get a first dad for father's day? Condoms. Courtesy of my witty ole' uncle mike"