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Joke of the Day

"I was born in California."" ""Which part?"" ""All of me."""

"Old friend: Wow! When the hell did you grow a beard? Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time."

"I took a shop class in high school... It didn't make me a better salesman, but I did learn how to build a franchise in a way I didn't anticipate."

"My toddler was arrested today at kindergarten during nap time. He was charged with resisting a rest."

"How do you fit 3 babies in a bowl? Blender. How do you get them out? Chips."

"Why does Bruce Willis always play the bald guy?"

"What do you call a trucker that doesn't drive anymore? Semi-retired."

"*covers himself in Nutella to hide his body heat from the Predator*"

"Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him."

"Did you hear about the dancing girl? She danced on one leg and then the other, but she made her living between the two of them."