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Joke of the Day

"Why are the twin towers and genders so similar? Because there used to be 2 of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now."

"Alcohol is nothing but poison But I drink because there are just things inside of me that need to die."

"How many defensive coordinators does it take to screw in a light bulb? Zero. You can't fit a hairless ten-year-old inside a light bulb."

"ebola jokes Knock knock Who's there? Ebola. Ebola who? Ebowl of cereal"

"Grammar is super important.. Because I don't want to be the mayor of fucking Austria. I want to be the mayor of [Fucking, Austria.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fucking,_Austria)"

"Co-worker playfully snapped my suspenders and now everyone in the office knows my safe word."

"The dildo I bought didn't come with instructions But I guess it's just plug-n-play"

"*accidentally answers phone call* *pretends to be answering machine*"

"How many lead trumpets does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, he just holds the light bulb up, and the world revolves around him."

"Excuse me but I didn't order Hamlet I ordered an omlet"