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Joke of the Day

"How many defensive coordinators does it take to screw in a light bulb? Zero. You can't fit a hairless ten-year-old inside a light bulb."

"How do you keep your Thanksgiving guests from falling asleep on your couch? Infuse the gravy with cocaine."

"Cowboy: Give me 3 packets of condoms please. Cashier: Do you need a paper bag with that sir? Cowboy: Nah... She ain't that ugly."

"Make mine a Sandusky. I think I'm going to make a signature drink after Jerry Sandusky - 10 year old Whiskey and tears"

"I don't always correct someone's spelling but when I do, I google it first so I don't make an ass of myself."

"If I had a million dollars for every time I looked at the negative side of things, I'd have way too many god damn taxes to pay."

"Moses was the first hippie. He was a guy who came from the hills with long hair and sandals, and he brought with him tablets that made everybody feel good."

"I bought some shoes from my drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day."

"What kind of breath freshener does George Clinton use? Parlia-mints"

"i hate that one occasional cadbury cream egg you get that has a bloody malformed cadbury bunny fetus inside"