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Joke of the Day

"Looks like it's time to start pretending Andy Murray isn't Scottish again..."

"What do you call a confusing sharp pain in the ass immediately after a break up? An ex or cist?"

"If at first you don't succeed . . . don't try skydiving."

"What kind of bee produces milk? A BOOBEE!"

"A first date is probably the best time to show off your wicked hand puppet skills."

"I was watching women's volleyball during the Olympics and there was already a wrist injury But don't worry, I should be fine by Monday."

"Why did the peanut go to jail? He was a-roasted peanut."

"Don't give the homeless money. They'll just use it on sharpies and cardboard."

"Coworker: By your age I was on my 3rd child already. Me: Wow that's a lot of kids to eat in a such a short period of time."

"Why had the two algae never had sex? Because they had a planktonic relationship."