28199

Joke of the Day

"like my grandfather did, i want to die peacefully in my sleep... ...not screaming and yelling like his passengers"

"I like my women just like my wine 10 years old and locked in the cellar."

"White house What do you call someone in the White House who is honest, ethical, intellectual, law abiding, and truthful? A tourist."

"Why did the tadpole feel lonely ? Because he was newt to the area !"

"What song do they play at a Jehovah's witness funeral? Knock, knock, knockin on Heavens door"

"Whats a similarity between a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist? They both smell it, but they can't eat it."

"What do you call a ghost in the Outback? An Apparigine!"

"Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your ""shake"" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake"

"[gazes up at moons] [that's right in this tweet there's several moons] [girl kisses me] [that's right in this tweet I am not human garbage]"

"Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems? Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!"