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Joke of the Day

"I don't pay my taxes... Because I'm smart."

"And on another note... Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor."

"What did the hippie say when he was asked to leave the party? ""Namaste"""

"What do you get a kid without arms for Christmas? Gloves, but he doesn't know that yet.. since he can't open it."

"How do make a gay guy fuck a woman? How do you make a gay guy fuck a woman? - Shit in her cunt."

"Knock Knock ""Who's there?"" ""9/11"" ""9/11 who?"" ""you said you'd never forget"" =("

"It would be easier on everyone if my kids' teachers would cut out the middle man and email my homework assignments directly to me."

"Friend: ""Dude, me & my girlfriend are getting married."" ME: ""Wow! when?"" Friend: ""Me on 27th April and she on 14th June."""

"Hi. This is my first time at yoga. When I called they said to bring a Matt. *points at man standing next to her* Now what do we do with him?"

"Before cell phones and texting, I used to get pulled over a lot for playing solitaire with a physical deck of cards while I was driving"