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Joke of the Day

"The early bird needs to shut the fcuk up."

"Had a trip to the Docs I went to the doctors with hearing problems. He said ""Can u describe the symptoms?"" I said ""Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"""

"Speaking from one deaf man to another, ......... ""what?"""

"Priest and a Hindu are making breakfast.. The priest is spreading on margarine and exclaims, ""Look! It's Jesus in the spread!"" Shocked, the Hindu replies, ""Wow, I can't believe it's not Buddha."""

"I got hit by a can of coke... Good thing it was a soft drink."

"Sometimes when my cat is sitting on a chair, I sneak up, shake the chair hard, yelling, ""EARTHQUAKE!"" Sadly, like many, she's not prepared"

"Confucius says: ""Woman who fly upside in airplane have open cockpit."""

"Apple invented a new app, Asians love it. Introducing the iOpener."

"Putting on mascara without opening my mouth is on my bucket list"

"""Donald Trump is feuding with the Pope"" is like the 7th Onion headline that's become real life in this election season"