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Joke of the Day

"Putting on mascara without opening my mouth is on my bucket list"

"Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it's my modesty that stands out."

"What do a washing machine and a one night stand have in common? a washing machine doesn't follow you around for a week after you put a load in it.."

"If I was a girl my best friend would have to come untangle me at least twice a week because I tried to take my bra off through my sleeve"

"What's the funniest fish in the world? Piranhahahahaha Don't lynch me"

"I used to love your updates. Then you pissed me off, and now your updates piss me off too."

"Jokes that nerds tell I would tell you a NTP joke, but I don't have the time. Got any more"

"I went to see a topless ventriloquist last night. She was amazing, I never saw her lips moving once."

"I try contributing to society but it keeps insisting I take it back."

"What is the common trait between men and snow? You don't know how many centimeters you'll get, neither how long will it last."