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Joke of the Day

"Dammit Springsteen, I was born in the USA too but you don't see me making millions in monthly residuals from a 20 year old song about it."

"My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house anymore."

"When I woke up this morning, the garbage disposal was making a funny noise. Turns out he was just masturbating in the next room."

"My friends ask me if I got A haircut I say ""no, I got them ALL cut!"""

"What's the best joke you ever heard? For me, it's gotta be Emo Phillips' Baptist joke. Although to tell it you've gotta get his execution down."

"I patented the time machine But the judge keeps throwing it out based on prior art"

"What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt"

"Rumors are that Harry Styles is BiSexual according to a recent interview I hear they're going to change the name of the band to 'Both Directions'"

"2 Beers = 1 Tweet 5 Beers = 3 Tweets 9 Beers = 7 Tweets 12 Beers = 12 Tweets 24 Teers = 30 Beets"

"(NSFW) It's been just over 10 years since we lost the Crocodile Hunter. He was a man of morals that died the same way that he lived... With animals in his heart."