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Joke of the Day

"Just saw someone order a cup of water at this restaurant. Knocked it out of his hand. We're in a drought, idiot."

"According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up."

"You're born, you grow up, you start listening to a Pink Floyd song, you get married, have kids, you die, the song hasn't finished."

"The Three Up's in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut"

"Have you ever met that one guy you really want to punch in the face? Turns out punching a mirror is painful for your hand."

"Whats worst than a super long joke? A short one with no punchline"

"I have a friend who has a strange obsession with ceilings. I guess you could say he's a ceiling fan."

"How does a space class start a party? They planet!"

"What do you call an elephant that no one needs? Irrelephant."

"The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room."