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Joke of the Day

"[Jumps into taxi] ""FOLLOW..."" [taxi driver turns around excitedly] ""...ME ON TWITTER"" [Jumps out & moonwalks into Olive garden]"

"What do a plum and an elephant have in common? They're both purple except the elephant."

"Nice try ""Enjoy By"" date on bag of broccoli, nice try."

"Why does Peter pan always fly? Because he Neverlands"

"How many Police Officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs? None. He 'fell'."

"Who needs Black Friday... when you have Mike Brown Monday?"

"Why did the semen cross the road? Why did the seman cross the road? Because I wore the wrong socks today.."

"Q: What is the last thing a tossed salad says to itself before being devoured by a human? A: Lettuce pray"

"So I walked into the pharmacy the other day... because I needed to grab some condoms. As I was checking out, the clerk asked, ""do you need a bag for that?"" I replied, ""Nah, she's not that ugly."""

"[TIFU] I picked up somebody else's sandwich at Subway Ooops, wrong sub!"